Salon Sleuth Pillows

Haircut Costs for Men and Women

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

$1: Family Secrets

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

'Have you no common scents?!'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

"Do you smell something?"

Orderly Conduct of Sales

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

'It's for the girl who's in a hurry.'

"I'm a brilliant stalker and love photography, so I thought: why not?"

Optician and the PI.

"We're sure we've got the right numbers... Now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

"Have you heard something that the rest of us don't know about?"

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

Retail Worker's Thanksgiving

'(Sniff!)... Hey! Somebody stole my identity!'

"Couldn't you have waited till she was smiling before you injected the botox?"

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

Shopper sees sign: Buy one get ripped off.

'The price or the biscuits?'

"So what's your success rate?"

"The butler did it!"

"...so if my maths serves me right, if I buy four of these it won't cost you anything"

"I don't need one, Gracie. My shopping list is very simple! Things I have a coupon for and things that are on sale!"

"Good news, Grossman. As of today, short sleeves are O.K. around the office."

"He fought like hell."

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'