Salmon Snackers Gifts

Lox Ness Monster

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

Super Heroes.

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"Fresh pepper?"

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

Love is when you watch television together.

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"The bagels are better in New York."

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

Stupid Microwave

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

'Him' Watching the Game to Relax

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

Cookie Surveillance