Sales Strategy Critic Pillows

"No for your lifetime, just for ITS..."

Larry's used art

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

"In layman's terms, it's £12,750."

Sales.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

Brick Salesman

Gerald Ratner's return

"Post holiday sales look similar to the crater that killed the dinosaurs."

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'

Entertainment systems

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

Sinking sales

'Our sales have been uneven but our company has heart.'

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

Sales - We could try a 'free offer' but it would cost us.