Sales Strategy Analyst Pillows

'It turned out our customers cared about our customer care policy and they've all gone somewhere else!'

"I think you'll want to talk to this telemarketer. He's selling a phone device that prevents other telemarketers from calling."

Larry's used art

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

Sales.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

Gerald Ratner's return

Brick Salesman

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

"Post holiday sales look similar to the crater that killed the dinosaurs."

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

Businessman has in/out boxes labeled: Stay The Course and Cut And Run.

Entertainment systems

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

Sinking sales

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"