Sales Speech Aficionado Gifts

"It's an epic novel about a guy who's trying to sell his car."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

The Salesman

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

"First of all, let me commend everyone on the teamwork displayed on this icebreaker. Secondly, let me apologize for some of the motivational language I used during this session..."

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

'Vote for me because my Super PAC raised lots more money than my opponent's Super PAC.'

Seeing progression motivates.

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

Whatever works for you.

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

"I think you'd make a persuasive salesman."

"We're targeting a specific demographic: the utterly clueless."

'I need to appear bold and decisive. Won't someone PLEASE ask me a yes or no question?'

I'm more than just a sauce, I'm a re-sauce.

"I'm feeling a lot of love in the room - with the exception of that guy over there."

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

'Hey, I voted for the big tax hike because suffering builds character!'

"Please refrain from throwing business cards."

"Your body language says you've lost interest."

'The sales team did all they could, so I'd have to say the blame for that must fall on the consumer.'

'Your presentation on the advantages of e-commerce would've been better had it not been for the use of the word 'dude' 183 times.'

'Our profit dropped because half of our salesmen are in 'How to increase the profit' - training, sir.'

'I lost my shoe, but I got my foot in the door.'

"As you can see, it's pretty simple - just find the customer and make him buy."

'You have echolalia — it's very common among politicians.'