Sales Savant T-Shirts

"I'm afraid the turnout isn't as high as we'd hoped, three of them misheard the date; five got the time wrong and everyone from sales went to a hotel in Scarborough by mistake!"

"We only employ first class salesmen because we produce inferior products?"

'Setting a low bar helps us to consistently exceed our expectations.'

'Sell South Africa!'

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

The company's marketing strategy became increasingly sophisticated.

'Let me through - I've a bargain for a nose!'

Roger's career as a salesman wasn't off to a great start...

"And the best feature of this shoe is you'll look Athletic even if you're not."

Nethead strip: Sale.com

Boxing Day Blowout!

'Thanks. A girl needs all the help she can get nowadays.'

'What's our policy on begging for sales?'

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

'Compromise is not in my vocabulary, but grovel is if that's any help.'

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

Despite the economic downturn, sales are as good as ever.

'I tell you, Angela, there's no sight sadder than a desperate adhesives salesman...'

Shoppers fighting in a shop sale

Look at these silly doorbuster promos for flat-screens and webcams. So? Tree's Trees. I'm not battling Black Friday traffic for a few bucks off junk I don't want. I hope someone does. I'm offering half off poinsettias for the first 25 customers. Tree's Tree Nursery. They're my gatebusters. Junk plants no one really wants.

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'What do you do with the time you save?'

Bullseye!

The Salesman

'Now I know why the strategy guide warned against entering the 5th stage. Awesome!'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

Where was I?

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

Decision Making Block

"Hey! Plants are on sale again! Woo-hoo!"

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

'Who cares what she thinks? Grow a pair and buy the damn thing.'