Sales Assistant Pillows

"By the authority vested in me by Bloomingdale's, how may I help you?"

'Excuse me!..D'you work here?'

"We hired him because he's the only one who knows how they work."

"Listen to the customers more carefully Tracey. Mr Jones has a pain in the backside, he didn't say you were one."

'Our prices are drastically marked down from their drastic markup!'

"Take all the time you need, but be advised due to supply chain issues and rising inflation the price may be adjusted accordingly."

'And the attached headlights are sure to grab any buck's attention.'

'Neck a little tight, sir?'

'Absolutely - it does make you look thinner!'

'The sales assistant said they were 'on trend'...'

'Phew! - Thank goodness today is over. Now we can take off these ridiculous glasses.'

'I doubt you will have what I'm looking for, young man - an eye-level grill?'

'I liked you in the horn-rimmed ones best.'

'Which one feels uncomfortable?' - 'They both do, you've put them on the wrong feet.'

'All of our man bras are designed with the end user in mind and snap easily in the front.'

"I'm thinking something in a cheddar."

'The top and shorts are a perfect match.' (Sales assistant to customer in a jigsaw outfit).

'If you've got a complaint, please press 1. If we can help you to find something to complain about, please press 2.'

'Do you sell cologne in bulk?'

Shoe shop

"May I help you, Katy Jones, class of 2016, second cousin to Jim Hale and owner of a cat named Ollie?"

'Got anything for around

'The manager says 'tough sh*t'.'

"It's a novel about loss, and redemption, and fantastic sex."

'...and a bag to put it in?'

The Ultimate Sleeping Bag.

'What do you give to a man who has everything?' 'Antibiotics!'

'Nothing to give him an excuse to say I smell like a cemetery'

Tortoise at mobile home sale.

''Avent't you got any with the peak at the back?'

"Sorry, I just need a Valentines Day Card"

"No need to feel embarrassed,modom,lots of people have feet your size-policemen,guardsmen,clowns...."

Happy clown welcomes complaints and exchanges.

The sales assistant said they were a 'statement piece'.

'Oh, buy the lot <tsk!>, you never know when they might come in handy!'