Salary Strategizer Gifts

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

The Evolution of the Bonus

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"You're a genius, Shaw. This is an idea whose copyright has expired."

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."