Salary Strategizer Prints

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

The Evolution of the Bonus

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

'We need to change our luck. Let's move our headquarters to Redmond, the home of Microsoft.'

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"You're a genius, Shaw. This is an idea whose copyright has expired."

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

'Don't worry about it. If at first we don't succeed, we can do it later and get paid time-and-a-half for it.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."