Salary Sleuths Pillows

'I can't figure out whether I'm a secretary or an executive - I do executive work, but get secretarial pay.'

'A word in my office Jones.'

Hey boss, it's almost the middle of March and I haven't been paid yet. Are you sure? Perhaps I already paid you for March back in February. Perhaps I've been paying you a whole month early for the last 16 years, and so you aren't actually entitled to another check until April. If you show me your very first check stub from 16 years ago, we could clear this up. Very. Mad. Man.

'You got a raise in your pay packet last month...Didn't your wife tell you?'

'One of life's great mysteries...Why does it take four week's salary to pay for two week's holiday?.'

Income Leap

British savings accounts

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

"So much for password protected."

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

"Dad, wouldn't my allowance be better off earning interest in a tax free municipal bond fund?"

"Is this about your raise?"

Orderly Conduct of Sales

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

Help!!! I've been kidnapped - Your Money.

'Today, the market did the 'Ol' Dipsy, but recovered in the 'Doodle'.'

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

The Modern Godot

'Oh my God! You look like you've see the FTSE.'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

Retail Worker's Thanksgiving

"Our stock is down. Start some rumors on Wall Street that it's going up."

"I've been told to go through all our expenses...cut out any fat, get rid of any costly perks!"

"Have you heard something that the rest of us don't know about?"

"How come politicians don't earn mimimum wage. If anybody does minimum work, it's them."

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

Secret Service Dogs

'This morning a rumor that we would buy the Arpex Corp drove our stock up $3. Around noon a rumor that Arpex would buy us drove it up another $3. And in the afternoon a rumor that wo have nothing to do with Arpex drove it up $3 more.'

"No Jenkins, that's NOT a sales graph - it's my salary increase."

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

'A day has got 24 hours. You're working here just 8 hours a day. That's why I cut down your salary by two thirds.'