Salary Renegotiator Pillows

'My motto is 'What happens at this company, stays at this company'. That's why I take your performance and keep your wage.'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

The Evolution of the Bonus

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'I hear you got your increase.' - 'Yes, that proves my theory, if you whine enough, you get anything you want.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

"Is this about your raise?"

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

"We can't actually pay you, but your work will get a lot of exposure."

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'Regarding where you stand for a payrise - you don't.'

"Either accept the pay reduction or you get sent down to the minors."

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'You've got just 2 minutes to pack then you are on OUR time and I'm going to start charging you rent!'

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

'Look, O'Brien, you can't just waltz in here like that and demand a raise.'

Thanks, I'd like to accept the job, but what is the salary? Sorry, it's against company policy to disclose that!

Management buy-out.

'Gibson, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'I can't give you a raise... but I can rent you a cubicle.'

'A raise? Listen, Pomeroy -- you know how I feel about clumsy attempts to fine-tune the economy!'

"Tell the staff that I wanted to increase their salary, but that box of donuts I purchased for the break room hurt us financially."

'Sir, for Heavens' sake, stop screaming! It's just Mr Winkleberger asking for a raise!'

'You say you want to speak to me about a raise?'

"Find out who put a 100 dollar bill in the suggestion box. This person has potential!"

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

"Damn tail... now he's going to ask for more money."