Salary Cynic Pillows

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

GPs offerred 0 in pay round

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

Body Language Expert - 'You don't like your job do you?'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

If all else fails, give up.

Famous Oxymorons...

Wow. A corner office at last

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

'You're too big to fail and be fired, but too small to move up to the job you'd like'

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'You don't understand, Hartwell -- the handshake WAS your Christmas bonus.'

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

Jones, Needham, Pinkner, Fortney - Just doing their jobs.

Obama builds own gallows.

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'Leave us your suggestions here.' (The suggestion box is a shredder)

The Fed: Problems and the solution.

Man at a desk in Performance Review Dept. has a cannon in the 'OUT' box pointing out the window lights cannon.

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

"Where's that special cartridge we use to print campaign promises...the one with disappearing ink?"

"I've given him your message. If you'll just take a seat, he'll be out in a moment with his hands up."