Saintly Screen-watcher Pillows

Monk

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

Halo Frisbee.

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

Seatback in upright position, fasten safety belt, listen closely...prepare to be bombarded with promotional advertising through the rest of the flight!

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

Next World Tours

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"Relax, I grade on the curve."

"The lost password department's that way."

Virgin Mary: World's Best Mom.

Degas: l'iphone

"Hmmm...says here that you were in charge of your church's Puppet Ministry."

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'

"Newsdesk? I've got a celebrity story for you ..."

"This is the break room, where we watch reruns of classic security footage."

'I like the hat.'

'I'm real sorry. It was all the 'blonde' jokes you told.'

"Excuse me, but will you be long?"

"I'm afraid we don't accept bribes here, sir."

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

Sat Nativ.

Things to do in the area.

Latte Day Saints

Proposed solution to repugnant and obsolete St. Patrick's Day parade: add more saints.

"You'll soon get used to it, being deceased is fun."

"I remember behavior like that being followed by fire and brimstone."

We don't have a 'reasonable doubt' rule up here!

"Don't you sometimes wish that maybe you had been just a little bit naughtier in your former life?"

"Open your mouth so I can take a DNA sample."

He likes to pretend to look at the stars when he was really looking in the neighbors' window.

"Let's get to know him. He's being fast tracked to sainthood."

"Hey, great death!"