Safety Trainer Pillows

'If I was wearing my 'what'?!'

'Hurry!!'

"I knew we shouldn't have let Health and Safety run the self defence course!"

'I did it at the skill centre'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Any questions?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

'Trust me, there's nobody to rescue that way...'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Hanging off every word...

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Quality Control

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Just go with the workflow."

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

'I hope that training aid doesn't give him the idea that bigger laptops could mean more output.'

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

Targets.

'First of all, relax.'

'Let's go! Let's go! Hustle! ...Relatively speaking.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

'Leadership training.'

'I miss the good old days!'

Mentors guide you through the maze.

"My assistant will show you the ropes."