Safety Selector Pillows

No need to be concerned, madam! I'm wrapped in cotton wool!

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Man using to much bug spray

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

On the brink.

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

"Careful."

'Mind you don't wake the baby.'

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

Reasonableman

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

"I don't care why you crossed the road! I do care however about "how" you crossed the road: without checking for cars first!"