Safety Net Spender Pillows

'Could I return these scratch cards, I've only used them once!'

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"I need to increase my salary so I can increase my spending."

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

"Little Lucas doesn't go anywhere without his weighted blanket."

Excess

'I've got the world by the tail. How much is this going to set me back?'

"OSHA is going to hear about this!"

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

'Some people say they're ego-compensation, but what do they know.'

Social security.

Buy 1 Get 1 Free. Buy 2 You're Stupid.

"With this app, I can track my savings. It counts cash, categorizes cash, and calculates cash interest."

"I need this grant to start my chicken farm."

"I got a bonus for the first time in years. Would it be selfish to spend it on myself instead of on Christmas gifts?"

College of Arts and Sciences (and a few things to fall back on).

'In life I was scorned for worshipping the Almighty Dollar.'

'I think we should put a limit on how much we spend on each other at Christmas, like two hundred and twenty thousand pounds.'

'Uh, Molly...Who's your little friend?'

Eat it while it's still £6.50.

The Price of The Stuff/How Much Stuff Is in The Store

Book in library - 'Crash tests for dummies' (being read by a crash test dummy).

'I do know the value of a dollar... that's why I've asked for five...'

Spiralling inflation

Credit card debt.

"You definitely have a case. This says nothing about eggs."

'Well, you have an excellent life policy -- now, would you be interested in some lifestyle insurance?'

"Trick or Treat - sorry, cash only."

When government depends on state lottery: Playing the lottery is lots of fun and a great investment plan!

CAUTION ANTI-CLIMB PAINT

'Still glad you sprung for the 84-inch flat panel?'

'I'm torn between brand loyalty & changing trends in the consumer experience.'

Idiot Driver Sensor System.

'This is coming out of your allowance!'