Sacrifice Pillows

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

"It's badly sprained, McElroy, and you know as well as I do that I'd only slow you down. Go on without me—and that's a direct order!"

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

'He did it for us.'

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

Sweet Girl Graduates

"Jim had to know what happens when you turn off your computer while it's updating."

"The oracle demands the sacrifice of a virgin or an update of its operating system."

"I'm not doing this because I like it. I'm doing this because I love you."

"I agree, Glenn. The first sentence needs to hook the reader."

Liberty's Sacrifice

'A lifetime sentence for bein' cute.'

'Sheila wanted a statue and I wanted a water feature so we compromised.'

'Every Lent it's the same-I've nothing to give up!'

'Dang, I told him to take a shower before we sacrificed him to the volcano god!'

'I was retaining water, so I cut out the salt. Now I retain gas.'

'I sold enough of my blood to keep our website up for another week. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pass out.'

"And you can forget about a decent bagel."

Bloomerism - An American Custom

"It's all there. And because of the pressure to conform to social norms I've included a 20% tip."

New! Stick-on Stigmata

"All lies,dear boy. This is lemonade."

"Save for retirement now while you're still young, hot lean and sexy..."The voice of reason makes an obscene phone call.

'I couldn't decide what to give up for Lent, so I gave it all up.'