Sacrificer In Spirit Pillows

'Every Lent it's the same-I've nothing to give up!'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

"It's badly sprained, McElroy, and you know as well as I do that I'd only slow you down. Go on without me—and that's a direct order!"

Avoiding eternal damnation since 1982

Retrospection.

"I've given blood about 20 times. . ."

"I'm not doing this because I like it. I'm doing this because I love you."

Insurance Company representative with rabbi to lawyer and client: 'I brought hiim along to assure you we would negotiate in good faith.'

Praying.

'No thanks: I'm more of a sprinter than a jogger...'

Liberty's Sacrifice

"It's my life line in case the rapture happens, so I'm not left behind."

A man seeking wisdom from a bee at the top of a mountain

"Poke my bunny with a stick, sir?"

Water carriers/bearers.

'Of all the useless things: They're killing our babies to make fashionable fur coats!'

Pray now - Go later.

"Before long you'll be qualified and ready to start work."

"Big issue...yeah, whatever...big issue....yeah, whatever....."

Covid-19 Vaccine

'Dang, I told him to take a shower before we sacrificed him to the volcano god!'

"And now, if I may, I'd like to put You on hold for a moment while I have a few words with Mammon."

Gandhi

'If it has to be animal testing - get into cosmetics.'

"It's the animal liberation front - they're claiming irresponsibility."

'Your heart is bigger than the average human heart. That's because you're an animal rights activist.'

Leaf Firemen Catching Falling Leaf.

'I sold enough of my blood to keep our website up for another week. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pass out.'

It's just a game vs. get real.

Wait 'till the tide comes in...

Boy with a black eye and concerned lady

Forget it. It's too late!