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"OK, OK, Dad. I'm up... I'm up."

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'Yes, all at once!'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Christian and Born again Christian...

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

Church restrooms

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

Self raising Lazarus.

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

"Well, well, well! Your parents certainly messed up when they named you, didn't they, Angelo?"

Divinity School - Authorized Parsons Only

Holy water cooler moments

The Second-to-last Supper.

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

'...and we would be grateful if you would refrain from calling us 'birds of pray''

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

God has an attack of vertigo

'Well David Chuck, let's see your ideal partner...'

"I was comped."

'When they said I couldn't take it with me, I immediately had my halo plated with 24-karat gold.'

'My earthly body is still in the doctor's waiting room.'

'Books-medals-statues, complete skeleton of St. Pretorius'

The Lord giveth. The Lord taketh away. Joe giveth back.

Monk using a crucifix for a hammer.

"If you don't stop quoting scripture at me, Reverend, you will go to hell."

'Not bad - a bit preachy.'