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"OK, OK, Dad. I'm up... I'm up."

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'Yes, all at once!'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Christian and Born again Christian...

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

Church restrooms

Fish Baptism is by full emersion

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

Self raising Lazarus.

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

Holy water cooler moments

Divinity School - Authorized Parsons Only

"Well, well, well! Your parents certainly messed up when they named you, didn't they, Angelo?"

The Second-to-last Supper.

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

Moses as a kid.

'...and we would be grateful if you would refrain from calling us 'birds of pray''

God has an attack of vertigo

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

'Well David Chuck, let's see your ideal partner...'

"I was comped."

'Okay, now...while holding down the commandment key, type in the number ten.'

'Not bad - a bit preachy.'

'Please tell me those are not steel wool pads glued to your head.'

The Lord giveth. The Lord taketh away. Joe giveth back.

'Pig flu??!'

"If you don't stop quoting scripture at me, Reverend, you will go to hell."

Monk using a crucifix for a hammer.