Rx Reader Gifts

'This container lists only one hundred of the most common side effects. More can be found on the manufacturer's website.'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"So, what are you reading?"

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

'I'm not working on a case, I'm looking for something interesting to read in the john.'

'You forgot the product label.'

dog reading EKG

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

"The bank examiners are here, oh!...I see you already know."

Pastoring for Dummies

A new book with a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

"I'm afraid the umbrella constitutes an enclosed space and must be taken down."

Best Seller of All Times...The Holy Bible:'No fair. You're creating your own readers.'

'Read any good book reviews lately?'

'Oooh! My cousin got a 5 star review! What's it say?'

The UN Forest. . . after its latest 3000 page climate report is released.

'They're doing their tests now?

'I love doing surprise inspections.'

Equality in sexes leads to increase in insurance costs.

'You can lead a horse to water, Ezra, but you can't...?'

Who's Who and Who Cares.

'Could you bring me the new investment regulations you downloaded yesterday?' 'It's still downloading.'

'Instead of a bedtime story, I'm going to read you my company's report for the third quarter.'

"I think it means this is how they treat you 'In Rhode Island'."

"I can't put it down."

When the feds combine offices: US department of commerce & immigration...importing, exporting, deporting

"Bertha, will you do me a favor and stop reading those damn 'How to Save Your Marriage' articles?"

'It's kind of depressing: We've spent three years on this research paper, and probably only ten people in the World will ever read it...'

"Great news from the science journal. They was us to rethink our methodology, but they love our results."