Rule Book Buffer Gifts

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

Presidential surveillance ass!"

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

'That's not what is meant by a free kick.'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

Fun on the pyramids

"He was right, you know - a queen can move as many spaces as she likes."

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

'Never shoot straight up.'

'I wish you'd hurry and decide which film you're going to sleep through.'

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'