Rule Book Buffer Gifts

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

Presidential surveillance ass!"

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

Bureau of the Budget. If we serve alphabet soup, we can count it as a lunch program and a literacy program!

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

'That's not what is meant by a free kick.'

Fun on the pyramids

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

"He was right, you know - a queen can move as many spaces as she likes."

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

'Never shoot straight up.'

Baseball Rules Conference. The actions of this runner are prohibited by the current rules. Next slide, please.

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'