Rule-bending Gourmet T-Shirts

"Don't worry, it's not our own food - we swopped lunches..."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

Quartet of chefs.

Cook in the cookery section.

I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Sauted lard, please."

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

'That's funny... I could have sworn I saw the chef put him on the platter.'

Sandwich snob.

Stand back - while I whip something up

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

'Blimey, how old is this stilton?' 'Let;s put it this way...it used to be cheddar.'

End of the day bargains at the cheese counter.

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

'It's her signature dish.'

Salvador Deli

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

'Of course I'd never have so much as looked at Timothy if it wasn't for his nose for truffles.'

"I'm texting my compliments to the chef!"

"The Corned Beef Cappuccino needs work."

"Some volcano roll!"

'Ketchup? You know that's an insult to the chef, right?'

"This isn't just any old food wine. This is the foodies' food wine."

"Jean-Pierre, homemade caviar for table six, please!"

'Thanks, I found the cheesecloth. Can you recommend a nice wine to serve with it?'

"Sous vide hot dog round, dehydrated generic bun dust, sweet relish foam, ketchup tuile."

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

'The 89's are very forward with meat on the nose and a lingering marrow-bone finish.'

'So what's it to be, Indian cuisine, Chinese take out or are you going to do the usual Russian Roulette?'

"Should you add more pepper?"

"Stomach content analysis shows the onions were sauteed after the pork was added but before adding the fennel."

'You get the essentials - I'll deal with the luxuries.'

"Examine the bottle? Sniff the cork? At these prices why am I doing all the work?"