Rugged Self-helper T-Shirts

"Don't try to understand them, just ride and rope and brand them."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

Self help acupuncture

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Relationship Warning Lights

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Window Treatment

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

A sturdy hand-hold against the vicissitudes of life: $1.00 per minute.

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"My pets found out they were adopted."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."