Royalty Scholar Gifts

"Enjoy your rain!"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'How about a game of cards?'

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

Czarcasm

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

"He's a guard dog."

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'Gunboat diplomacy won't work, sire -- we're landlocked, remember?'

'I can't finish -- may I have a peasant-bag?'

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

'I screwed up royally!'

'He was born with a silver spoon all right, but not in his mouth.'

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

DOWN WITH THE KING!, 'Do you know what the PENALTY is for disturbing the peace during wartime?'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

'Frankincense, dummy! I asked for frankincense!'

'Scroll down for the good stuff!'

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

'You're reordering your priorities? -- Since when do you have priorities?'

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

Cat king.

'I couldn't get Parliament to outlaw Lady Godiva, but they agreed to regulate her.'

'It's sad in a way -- just when he was declaring victory.'

"The doctor would like you to pee into this chalice."