Royals Gifts

Buckingham Palace,11:30 A.M.,and tourists gather to watch the changing of the guard.

"Surprise!"

Queen Mary II

'Dear, I'd like you to meet Michel LeCouteau -- we did time together once.'

'Yes, that was quite an amusing signing-off joke but in deference to the prince. . .'

Royal Wedding: Harry & Meghan Gift List Now In!

Meghan Duchess of Sussex

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

The Bearskin Hat Family

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

The Royal Wii

Reign Man

King Pin

Beefeater

'I told the jester he could take April Fool's Day off.'

"It makes me feel better about myself."

London Gin Company Limited - By Appointment to Queen Mother

"Her Ladyship wanted the portrait to have a more contemporary look."

"Consult the people by all means, Your Majesty, but I don't think a referendum is a good idea."

"Security was too tight to try and nick one of those Harry Potter books so we went and crashed Prince William's 21st instead."

Coronation Civil Rights

Football Royalty

"You are perfectly healthy, your Highness."

The King Can Do No Wrong

'He abdicated his throne and got into software.'

"We met when I needed a frog to dissect an biology class."

Queen with T-shirt "Madge rules! Okay?"

'Hey! I didn't ask to be king - I had it thrust upon me!'

'Mother's visiting next week, so I'd like you to lock up all the dissidents.'

"I used to let down my hair. But since I've gone wireless, I just use all my old wires."

'TWO crowns? - I'd say you definitely have delusions of grandeur.'

'Not only did they overthrow me, the bums also kept the damage deposit!'

'I'm pretty sure I never said I wanted a 'Bouncy' castle.'