Routine Challenger T-Shirts

The 27-Year-Itch

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

"Looks like Harriet mixed her lights and darks again."

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

Lawnmower

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

The Mainstream

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

'Think' 'But not too much'

AI

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

"I'm looking for loopholes."

Daily Routine

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

"What do you mean asking you to marry me via text wasn't romantic? Did you see the emoji with hearts for eyes I attached?"

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

'This is a coffee break, Caldwell -- Get rid of that damn teapot!'

"I'd like to see you every Tuesday, forever."

'When the poor dear retired, he found that he missed his little cubicle.'

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

A man without a chicken on his head!

"You've become very predictable, Jack - home every night!"

'She does great things with leftovers. . .She throws them out.'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

"Always a bridesmaid..."

'My husband does everything religiously except going to church.'

*Sigh*

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

'And this is where daddy goes through the motions.'

'Sorry...I don't do hugs!'

Clock in, Clock out.

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

"I love you, Ethan, bit I floss alone."