Rooster Trainer Pillows

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"You do realize you can't take that one home."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Quick, start the car!"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Any questions?"

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"Cross-breeding oops #1." "The Cougadooodle"

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

Litter Tray Training

'He's not supposed to go out.'

"Give him time, - if anyone can break that swing set, it's O'l Tex."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'Guess who just graduated cum laude from Sunnydale Obedience School?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

"I don't actually talk, I just mimic sounds."

"Now, why didn't I think of that?"

'Listen Sonny, I don't want or NEED to get to the other side!'

Hanging off every word...

Funky Facts: Monkeys.

Quality Control

"It's an honest mistake I'm sure we'll never hear of again."