Roommate Relations Analyst Pillows

The First Odd Couple

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

Speed Dating for Turtles

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

The Audacity of Fake Environmental Hope

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Biofelineism

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Try Mediation

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

Window Treatment

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'Are we broke yet?'

'Who gets the decaf?'

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"Much ado list"