Roommate Relations Analyst Pillows

The First Odd Couple

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Biofelineism

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Try Mediation

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Window Treatment

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'Are we broke yet?'

'Who gets the decaf?'

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work, I overslept.'

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.