Romantic Wrangler Pillows

"'In vino veritas?' You can't handle the veritas!"

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

She - Interpreter - He.

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

Sulk Shows

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"It's exhausting trying to keep him from throwing away perfectly good sticks."

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

'OK...now what?'

An old man and women are driving along with a 'Still married' sign on their car.

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

Give way - 'Oh, alright then...'

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

Diplomacy

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

"You always insist on having the last word!" "Sorry!"

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

"One more word from you and I am leaving home."

"You mean you're just going to throw 274 mortgage payments out the window?"

"This'll test you - she just scraped your car while parking."

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

Women shopping with children in the trolley.

"I can see right through him!"

Love by bike

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

"You knew I was straight when you married me."