Emotional Wrangler Pillows

"Don't try to understand them, just ride and rope and brand them."

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

"We've decided your suggestion to have a day care center here at work has merit."

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

She - Interpreter - He.

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Whatever surprise he's cooking up for you, I'm sure you've a good sense of humour!'

Sulk Shows

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Temporary and Permanent Writer's Block

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

Parenting Business Deals

"If you're not on the brink of despair you're part of the problem"

Wrestling Our Inner Demons

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

'OK...now what?'

"I hope someday someone steals my identity and makes something out of my life."

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

"You have to remember you're not responsible for other people's happiness."

Quiet Time

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"Trying to unclutter my life by reducing busyness is taking up all my free time!"

Well, I feel a lot better - he says there's a method to my madness.

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

Diplomacy