Romantic Retreatist Gifts

Woman does a strip tease on a remote control.

"Ironically, this is the living room."

A Good Batch.

"Too crowded. Let's go."

'I love our hideaway. I only wish we could find it.'

"Well, I'll miss him, but all his friends are backpacking Europe to herd sheep this summer, too."

'Oh, rustic used to mean 'no indoor plumbing', but now it means, 'No computers'!'

'It's great to get back to the simple life'

"The new house is almost ready!"

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Ernie's full service salon and day spa."

"While he was in Paris, Warren knew Picasso, Miró, Hemingway, Stravinsky, Cocteau, and Fitzgerald. Nothing ever came of it."

'Like many studs of my generation, I have always had a love affair with the harmonica.'

"We can try and mend the damaged heart, but not a broken one."

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"So, you're still doing the Western thing."

'Oh, the amenity!'

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

"In my day, we had grand pianos randomly fall from the sky!"

The Rudges' peaceful home

"They're on a silent retreat."

Spring Training

'I love our hideaway. I only wish I could find it.'

'The paper screwed up the ad. It read 'Wanted: Hired Gun' rather than 'hired man'.'

'Did you remember to lock the house?'

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

"I got married once - to avoid writing."

Rustic Camping: No Water, Electric or Wi-Fi

"I told everyone we're hibernating. Whatever you do, don't answer the phone."

'Mother, are you sure your marijuana use is purely medicinal?'

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

Ocean sounds $1.00

'Oh, how utterly romantic! A hunter rug in front of the fireplace!'