Romantic Plotters Pillows

"And just remember: Daddy got you out of that nasty pet store because he hopes you'll act really cute and friendly in the park, especially around attractive, single women."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

I think you're ace

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

'Interesting article in Nature this week - apparently love's not a wave, it's a particle.'

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

Romans.

Intellectual Foreplay...

"Beats me why but my girlfriend says I have a one-track mind."

Writers wait in their area of expertise.

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

'You use the former when wooing your beloved and the latter during negotiations with your divorce lawyers.'

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"My aloofness is a mask."

'I love your poetry, m'dear - it's very Ezra Poundish.'

'Our love life has become market-driven.'

"Yes, a surprise engagement. Even my husband-to-be here didn't know..."

"It says we should try to imagine we are in love."

"We're taking separate vacations this year."

VALENTINES: Stuck Like Glue

"I haven't had smouldering, passionate sex for a while....could you put it in the diary for next week!"

"We need to talk. Here - it's all in this 342-slide power point."