Romantic Negotiator Pillows

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"At least have the decency to send her a text to tell her you're not interested."

Today, our quest continues for someone who can come up with a solution for dealing with the partisan gridlock in Washington. You know what I do when I'm on a date and negotiations for hand-holding have broken down? Me neither. It's never happened. Our quest continues ...

"I'm withholding sex until you have sex with me."

'Darling what will you give me for this ring?'

"I promise to listen to you if you promise to shut up!"

'I think we should also agree not to go to sleep horny.'

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

It's a deal. You give me five analysts, three pundits, seven technicians and a soothsayer. I give you six experts, five professors, four consultants and a prognosticator.

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

"I'll abandon my medium-and shorter-range missiles if you'll abandon yours."

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

Perhaps a ceasefire is in order. Terms? I will agree not to pummel you for forgetting our anniversary. You will refrain from pursuing the possibility that I, too, have forgotten it. You will, furthermore, massage my feet in penance for denying me a reason to yell at you. Non-negotiable! Got off easy.

If you pony is difficult to catch...take a good supply of lump sugar with you...and eat as much of it as you can.

"How about a discount for the little lady, pal, as your way of saying thanks for the bailout?"

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

Valentine's roses $59.99- Feb.15th- $12.99.

"It's a note from teacher. She wants to trade the apple I gave her for my chocolate fudge brownie."

"I'm not eating candy before dinner. I'm skipping dinner."

"If you promise to be very careful, Mommy will let you carry the baguettes."

"Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

'According to this pre-nup, if I marry you I have to wait 24 months to upgrade.'

Tunnel of I Need You to Help Out More Around the House

'Management says we've had it too good for too long. They're demanding concessions.'

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

'It's a deal. You buy my insurance and I'll buy your knitted booties.'

"Yes, dear, I like the idea of repeating our vows — but let's change some stuff."