Romance Renovator Pillows

Ducttape Man! I'll mend your broken heart!

'I found the termites!'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

'Who said romance is dead? I just downloaded a screensaver with red roses and chocolates for your PC!'

'Will I still be married?'

"I love what you've done with him."

"We can be old-timey office workers for Halloween."

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

'I think it's time we got a new headboard.'

"At least you have taste when it comes to your computer's wallpaper."

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

Seeing the marriage counselor.

"Hey, I know - why don't we go on a little crime spree?"

'The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber and the second bathroom saved our marriage.'

'I know it's hard to believe, but before this, I'd never built a thing!'

"Merely dating" "Lover's leap" "Undecided? Take a hike"

"She always gets the upper bunk."

Perhaps a ceasefire is in order. Terms? I will agree not to pummel you for forgetting our anniversary. You will refrain from pursuing the possibility that I, too, have forgotten it. You will, furthermore, massage my feet in penance for denying me a reason to yell at you. Non-negotiable! Got off easy.

"A see through nighty? God who'd want to see you through that?"

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

Another Hot and Heavy Night of Explaining

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

"We're cutting back on therapy. You?"

"How's this for a romantic moonlit interlude?"

We're incompatible. I'm a woman, he's a Pig.

"First, you will meet Mr. Hot. Next, you will meet Mr. Cool. Then you will meet Mr. Right."

"Please, Dianna, at least give me a chance to rebrand myself."

"I just really wish things could go back to the way they were when we met last Sunday."

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

Heaven - under new management.

'Jeez, Hon - ain't you ever goin' wear your 'yes' jammies again!?'