Rock-wall Runner Gifts

Maybe it wasn't the best idea to put a climbing wall in the exercise yard.

'What a time to return from climbing! There's not way your coming into this house tonight.'

'I'll clobber the first joker who ask me if I enjoyed my 'Winter Break'!'

Mountain climbers face a closed route.

The Path

'I told you that rock wall climbing would be useful. I'll get our ball back with no trouble at all.'

Planting a Flag on the Summit

Bad times to sneeze

'I was fixin' to fill you full o' lead, Clanton, but it looks like that there stalactite done the job for me!'

"Have you farted. . . ?"

January Joiner

''Because It's There' got us up here...you have any ideas how we get back down?'

'I've had a lot of experience at this. My Mom keeps the cookie jar on top of the refrigerator.'

"I'm using the ground as a safeguard against plummeting."

Easter Island Rock Climber

'Look! We have ants all the way up here.'

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

Mount Everest.

Spider Exhibit. It says spiders can have hundreds of children at the same time. No wonder they climb the walls! (Published originally on July 23, 2002.)

'Not the bloody batteries again.'

Costa Coffee 20 Metres

Sir Edmund Hillary Arriving Home To His Third Floor Apartment

After conquering Baked Alaska, Mount Bakewell was a piece of cake.

'Careful,George.You know how it makes you sick when you travel backwards.'

'This was to have been Hillary's greatest moment...'

"I lost my way and wandered through this white hell for five days before your brave rescue dog found me and saved me from starving to death!"

'There must be mining occurring in this mountain.'

Escalator to top of mountain peak on one side, rock climber struggles on other side.

The Everest Experience: Cafe and Gift Shop

Mountain climber finds maraschino cherry on top of the mountain.

'Some people never learn, do they? The guy I saved today I've saved twice already!'

'I know all about acclimatizing yourself for a high altitude climb, but I want to get the dinner out of the freezer!'

Phone Signal Problems: "Can you hear me now?"

From 'Theory of Knots': Thumb Knot, Spanish Bowline and Double-knotted shoelace which is impossible to open.

"Wheat bran, prunes and black coffee for breakfast?! What was I thinki — oh, noooo..."