Roadway Pun Enthusiast Gifts

Road sign indicating Heart of England and Triple Bypass.

"There's only the four of us. I hope you like doo-wop."

Speed bump in honor of JD Yomp 1866 - 1957...inventor of Asphalt

"I find it comforting to have Off-Broadway plays in the background."

He's got a long painful road to recovery. Those are pretty severe burns. In the meantime, try to keep him upbeat to avoid depression. Then again, we can't exactly have him walking on sunshine either... That's what got him here.

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

Persian

"I see you ladies are admiring the Tuscan Blue."

"You tend to clam up, Wally, you need to come out of your shell!"

...After the argument escalated, neighbors say the husband, a composer, threatened to smother his wife with his sheet music. Before anyone could help, witnesses say he'd already begun killing her softly with his song.

'I can't come out and play because I'm in 'Time-Out.' Although here at Grandma's it's more like 'Time-Out Lite.' '

Pontius Pilates

"Well, let me tell you something smarty. Don't even once forget who's the big cheese around here."

'Sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my key'

Xylophone: A male lophone. Unique as the only animal known to use camouflage to avoid mating.

"Every night it's Roll Play with you."

Baby Grand Larceny

Racers' Gate.

"Avast - it's Mobius Dick, the one-sided whale."

TV Dinners: 'Antenna, cable, satellite dish,'

"No Alex, The answer isn't Posh Spice."

"We plead insanity, You Honor, due to a severe Multiple Personality Disorder."

'You can ruin the present worrying about how the past will affect the future.'

'You're as fit as a fiddle,Mr. Richards. A big fiddle. A cello.'

"Dog star"

'Naturally, he feels humiliated. Twenty-five years of teaching math and he takes a pi to the face.'

'Son,you're beginning to get on my wick.'

Jewdle

Smashed Guitars

Foreplay was at the back of his mind. Way at the back.

"It's a very short cycle lane but I'm determined to use it."

Cleaning a new road