Roadway Pun Enthusiast Gifts

Road sign indicating Heart of England and Triple Bypass.

"There's only the four of us. I hope you like doo-wop."

Speed bump in honor of JD Yomp 1866 - 1957...inventor of Asphalt

"I find it comforting to have Off-Broadway plays in the background."

Lord of the Strings.

He's got a long painful road to recovery. Those are pretty severe burns. In the meantime, try to keep him upbeat to avoid depression. Then again, we can't exactly have him walking on sunshine either... That's what got him here.

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

Persian

"I see you ladies are admiring the Tuscan Blue."

"You tend to clam up, Wally, you need to come out of your shell!"

"Well, let me tell you something smarty. Don't even once forget who's the big cheese around here."

...After the argument escalated, neighbors say the husband, a composer, threatened to smother his wife with his sheet music. Before anyone could help, witnesses say he'd already begun killing her softly with his song.

Musical Discord

'I can't come out and play because I'm in 'Time-Out.' Although here at Grandma's it's more like 'Time-Out Lite.' '

Closed. He was unable to complete the elevator repair today -- Further steps will need to be taken.

Pontius Pilates

'Sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my key'

Baby Grand Larceny

Racers' Gate.

"Every night it's Roll Play with you."

Catfish.

Xylophone: A male lophone. Unique as the only animal known to use camouflage to avoid mating.

"We plead insanity, You Honor, due to a severe Multiple Personality Disorder."

"No Alex, The answer isn't Posh Spice."

TV Dinners: 'Antenna, cable, satellite dish,'

"Avast - it's Mobius Dick, the one-sided whale."

'You can ruin the present worrying about how the past will affect the future.'

'You're as fit as a fiddle,Mr. Richards. A big fiddle. A cello.'

"It's a very short cycle lane but I'm determined to use it."

Cleaning a new road

'Naturally, he feels humiliated. Twenty-five years of teaching math and he takes a pi to the face.'

Music Lessons. It was a mistake signing a guitar lessons contract when the advertisement said "no strings attached."

Foreplay was at the back of his mind. Way at the back.

Smashed Guitars

"Dog star"