Risk-taker Satirist Gifts

'Look at all those little people down there Miss Jones. If it wasn't for them I'd have to be reckless with my own money.'

Spot the difference.

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

Sock Puppet in Literature

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Single Prayer Health Insurance

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

'Yeah, the job's got great benefits, but mainly I like the safe work environment.'

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

Offshore tax havens.

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

Bank of Cyprus-sia

The ground cracking beneath a banker's feet because his bonus is so big and heavy.

'I told you we should use some pig Latin in our quarterly statement. It's important to have investors trying to decipher something other than our quarterly returns.'

If things were going just a little bit better we could have filed for bankruptcy.

Inflation is a national headache. . . caused by asset indigestion!