Risk-taker Satirist Gifts

'Look at all those little people down there Miss Jones. If it wasn't for them I'd have to be reckless with my own money.'

They're Not Just That Into It

Spot the difference.

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

Sock Puppet in Literature

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

Single Prayer Health Insurance

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

'Yeah, the job's got great benefits, but mainly I like the safe work environment.'

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"

Offshore tax havens.

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

Bank of Cyprus-sia

Corporations will have to earn this tax cut one dollar at a time!

The ground cracking beneath a banker's feet because his bonus is so big and heavy.

Another Rogue Trader

If things were going just a little bit better we could have filed for bankruptcy.