Risk-free Dreamer T-Shirts

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all money had been in risk-free bonds."

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"Anyway, we'd love to have You on board for the Creighton deal."

'Just think...summer's coming, and everyday will be like Saturday morning!'

Wishful Thinking Magazine - circulation chart.

'I'm 85 to 90 percent sure that I've got it!'

I have a dream.

Life-Work Balance.

'Sleep tight - don't let the bedbugs bite!'

'Why don't we try a renegotiated buyout offer before we go with the Plague of Rabid Bats thing.'

'Aside from a crazed sheep now and then, this is a very risk-free profession.'

Monster under the bed.

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

Ed listens to one too many relaxation CDs...

Don't have nightmares!

'My mutual funds went through the roof! I no longer need to be your sidekick!'

The Adventures of Recession Man! M'lady, you seem distressed. I haven't had a raise in two years. My bills keep going up but my income has stagnated. Fear not. I can save the day. You can get me a raise? I can help you see things differently. We'll talk it out, then I'll give you a back rub, and you'll feel your anger dissolve into sweet kisses. Typical! some man fashions himself a superhero who can sweet me up in his arms and dismiss all my problems. Whoa, this economy's a powerful nemesis. It'

"Where'd you get that?"

"But my real dream is gettin' paid lotsa money for doin' nothin'."

'When you put on a new nicotene patch you're supposed to take the old ones off!'

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

"Dr.Brainstorm from R&D is here to see you, Sir"

When you celebrate life, so does heaven.

Are you crazy? ... You make 10 million dollars a year and you want to know the meaning of life?

"I guess I want what everyone wants - a billion dollars for being a jerk."

Nothing gives me a greater feeling of accomplishment than not accomplishing anything.

'All the stress of the job went away once I stopped giving a damn.'

'I got the raise!'

"Hey, look at this. After only a month, the idea that we spend the last two years developing has attracted $10 on Kickstarter."

"When I was young and naive I wanted to be a millionaire. Now I'm older, my values have changed. I want to be a billionaire."

Get rich quick scheme! $500-

'Freelancing might be a viable option.'

'We've heard that you don't have a debt. Please come with us, sir, you're under arrest because of being an unpatriotic domestic demand saboteur.'

"When I count to three you will have given up smoking but you will think you are Elvis Presley."