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Uncle Sam, Lady Liberty and Lady Justice walk into a bar that is advertising a "Pursuit of Happiness Hour" in its front window.

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

Welcome to the Team

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

"Damn Pope Gregory and his new calendar."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Impartiality becomes you."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

Counsel examining witness

"Again, I must remind the witness that he is under oath!"

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of multiculturalism.'

"I suggest you take an Empathy pill every day."

You're my Statue of Liberty

Trump Indicted

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'Mom, instead of reading me my rights tonight, how about reading me a fairy tale.'

“Don’t underestimate his lawyers. They went to Harvard.”

'We find the defendant guilty. Do you have a problem with that?'

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

'The trouble with this country is that it is impossible to be completely legal.'

"Truth, whole truth, nothing but the truth? I'm not ready for that much of a commitment."

'Whoops! Get my lawyer on the phone!'

'I need to see your restraining order.'

Proof you've made it Loud Annoying The voices raised against you

Truth, Justice, Equal Time.

' Even though you can't make heads or tails out of it, let me assure you, it is, heads we win, tails they lose.'