Rhetorical Rebel Pillows

"If you prick a corporation, does it not bleed? If you tickle it, does it not laugh? If you poison it, does it not die?"

'Bob couldn't stand rhetorical questions. This was clearly a case of police brutality.'

David Cameron and Europe

"Pssst! Do you have anything on American history?"

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

Cake Escape

Lord Byron

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

'To you it's wine, to me, it's my writer's block vaccine.'

Heart to heart talk.

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

"Question authority"

'In my opinion the series should have stopped after the first 3 books.'

If You Can't Beat Them

"Monogamy works for me, but it doesn't work for Enid."

"Hmmm... there's something not right here..."

"Of course this is a pizza! Man, I've always been a rebel!"

“There once was a woman who lived in a can of prebiotic soda… & only then did she consume enough to reap the health benefits claimed on the label.”

"I've had many men in this town darling, but many men have not had me."

My dad's doing flowers for a huge sweet 16 party. Everyone's invited except me! Who cares? It's probably some loser who couldn't get anyone to come over without going over the top. Thanks, Em! You know what's important. Plus! We'll figure out whose party it is and crash it! You're my spiritual guide.

The trouble was she never knew where to draw the line

Ministry of Soundbites: "Actually minister, it doesn't really matter what you say as long as you include a combination of the words 'choice','empowerment' and 'customer focussed'."

Citations Needed!

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

Trilby - 'I will not! I will not!'

"They're love poems alright, but he cuts up the lines, throws them in the air and reassembles them randomly..."

Reading

Area 51 Shaed of Gray - No Trespassing

"Let's skip marriage and just go on the honeymoon in Vegas!"

"O.K., so we'll have sex and if that works out we'll go for a nice dinner and maybe a movie."

'...and despite DNA predictions of incompatibility...'

'...and despite DNA predictions of incompatibility...'