Reviewing T-Shirts

Book Review Translator

"This place is fantastic. I understand it got four stars in some blog somewhere."

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

The Music Critic.

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

Gingerbread man sits at desk marked food editor

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

"I don't mind if something's Shakespearean, just as long as it it's not Shakespeare."

"You call that a suit?"

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"How was the play!"

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

"What did I think about the play? About an hour too long!"

The Critic...

A new book with a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

"He's a mental-health critic."

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'

'Read any good book reviews lately?'