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City Tennis Club

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

"The arms reduction talks are off to a good start -so far, we've agreed to ban pebbles."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

Performance reviews in Hell.

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"Writing that book was a real strain."

'Very impressive. Do you have any post-kindergarten education?'

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

"Head of Sales, VP of Marketing, and an endangeres species....Wow. I'm impressed..."

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

Proceedings of the club

'I can't remember the title,but it was on a little white piece of paper.'

"Where would we BE without the right DOCUMENTATION...?"

"Here is the one pager we all agreed on..."

A new book with a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

'Oooh! My cousin got a 5 star review! What's it say?'

'Read any good book reviews lately?'

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"