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Editor

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

"I shop, therefore I am."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

"This is gibberish, Nigel, but most persuasive gibberish."

"'C' is for free CONTENT!"

Creativity 2.0

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

The Music Critic.

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

"You call that a suit?"

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"I don't mind if something's Shakespearean, just as long as it it's not Shakespeare."

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

"Yeah, but this is a cat on a skateboard being arrested by a cop with a tattoo of the Confederate flag!"

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"How was the play!"

The Critic...

"What did I think about the play? About an hour too long!"

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'

'My whole life flashed before my eyes. I want to talk to the guy who did the editing.'

"Take away his brilliant prose, and he's just some depressed guy."

How can you read that comic strip Blondie? Its about a kinder, simpler time. It's about ancient history. They do the same material over and over. Exactly. I can count on it. Not like your stupid Pearls and Get fuzzy. Oooh, look how angry and edgy they are. They're sooo clever! Your whole gig is being angry and edgy. Look, I'm setting Candorville on fire.

"I appreciate how you've protected my privacy, Doc. I'm gonna tell everybody about it on my medical rating website!"

'Our firewall barely protects our content.'