Reviewing Prints

Book Review Translator

Youtube reviews make me feel old, Randy. Well … they're always full of whining, nitpicky, smug people complaining that the film or tv show wasn’t easy enough to follow. Reviewers complain that characters actions "don't make sense," as if they unaware that people often don't make sense. Or that a scene wasn't "necessary," as if establishing character doesn't matter. They complain that the plot was "confused," but when I was growing up, that just meant the viewer wasn't paying enough attention. It

Who do these people think they are? What people? They're complaining about our prices, service, the use of single-ply toilet paper in the restroom

"This place is fantastic. I understand it got four stars in some blog somewhere."

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

"Writing that book was a real strain."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

Gingerbread man sits at desk marked food editor

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

The Music Critic.

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

This action stuff is okay, but try a romance or comedy next time.

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

"I don't mind if something's Shakespearean, just as long as it it's not Shakespeare."

"What did I think about the play? About an hour too long!"

The Critic...

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"You call that a suit?"