Return Policy Skeptic Pillows

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'Rozlyn, that blouse is very cute! I think you should get it.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'I was wondering, Mr. Hartwelder, if I could be paid in money rather than stock options?'

Euro fall...

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

"What're you doing? Your contract forbids you from watching 'cute baby video' on YouTube."

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

Editorial Control

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

Guide to Working Class Investing

'No 'Natural Environment,' next 127 miles - Govt. test study.'

'My work is based on a version of the truth, but I believe the truth to be fluid...'

"That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75 cents toxic cooking water disposal surcharge."

"Remember, our do-nothing congress never raised your taxes!"

"I have every confidence that the measures taken will encourage spending..."

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

"I invested $1000 in Nortel and now my shares are worth 18 cents."

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"The minister has instructed us to get rid of 43% of meaningless targets in the next 43 days." "Could we start with that one?"

'Rumors...'

Home improvements do not always represent a sound investment.

see no evil...hear no evil...SEC can't even spell evil

"I just want enough to get out of the country, and disappear forever."