Retro Tax Strategist Pillows

You're living in the past, sir. We closed that loophole years ago.

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

401K

"So, you want your owners to write you off and treat you more like their kid?"

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"You know what I hate about getting older? I don't have the reflexes to dodge taxes like I used to."

If this carries on we're going to lose all our tax losses.

'I've begun spreading my wealth to offshore accounts.'

'Keep a lid on it!'

'A tax audit? I out sourced my books, records and book keeping to India months ago.'

The Mattress Savings Bank

'I'm worth more than $3,000 as a federal income tax exemption. So how about a raise in my allowance?'

"It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your 401k is?"

'Someday, son, this will all be yours...to give to the IRS, thanks to the back taxes I owe.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

How to make sure he won't see his shadow.

'Wasn't that the Chancellor?'

I filed my tax return electronically, to speed things up. Sure enough, I got audited in record time.

Pension planning for Brexit

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

'She didn't marry him for his looks or personality - she needed his debts for a tax write-off!'

'You're lucky, you're one of our few employees that will live long enought to earn a pension.'

'Look at it this way, if you didn't have to pay all that money in tax, you'd go out and spend it anyway.'

'Reinvent yourself. You write off the whole thing as a business expense!'

'When I was a youngster I was going to be a Rock GOD, but the allure of working with multi-denominational tax efficient offshore bonds proved too strong.'

IRS, 'Two jobs? -- Oh, the greedy type, eh?'

"It's great that you showed me how to get my 401K to roll over, but now it just plays dead."

"Ah Watson, reducing your taxes was simplicity itself. They were but elementary deductions."