Retro Historian Gifts

"I loved the good old days, …. 'better dead than red'."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

Famous Pieces of Paper

Gladstone Gives Disraeli a Bloody Nose over Schleswig-Holstein

"Gentlemen, on my signal, walk ten paces, turn around, and try to remember why you came out here."

1998: A Look Back

"I've invented the fire extinguisher."

'...hmm ...I predict an upturn in profits this year.'

Clearing up medals.

The invention of fire and the fire extinguisher

'I never rule out any negotiating tool!'

"Dad hasn't been the same since he went back to school."

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

'And remind your father to take out the chicken from the freezer and don't forget to do your homework.'

Bullsheviks.

'Of course History was easy for you. There was a lot less of it when you were my age.'

Early fast food

"Speaking only for myself, the unexamined life was a total gas!"

'I've been extremely worried about our prospects of survival since the brontosauruses go nuclear weapons.'

"I invented clean underwear - in case he gets into an accident."

'Rorschach multiple-choice test'

"It's the moat Sire, everyone's just hanging out in it."

Soldiers

"As your personal advisor, could I advise a few changes"

"Leon rents out his time machine to people who have to go back and 'un-day' stuff that's now considered offensive."

"And sometimes I think I'm the Duke of Wellington."

'They're a nuisance, but they keep the smaller vermin down.'