Retro Health Fad Fan Gifts

Retrospective contraceptive.

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Wheel, schmeel—check these babies out!"

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

An Old-Timer/An Old Codger/An Old Geezer

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

Marilyn Monroe

"To play it safe, I still take one aspirin every other day."

Fitness Club Founded in 1892

"Milton finally found a doctor he can trust - one who still believes in the healing power of money."

The Presidential Physical Fitness Test

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

"They harvest our noses then liquify them and drink the juice. They believe it gives them special powers called 'antioxidants'."

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "What'll it mean if Trump ends up winning?" "Excellent question. It reminds me of questions very few people asked 90 years ago when Mussolini came to power in Italy." "Other questions that went unasked back then: 'Is sucking down smoke all day long bad for me?' 'Is it a bad idea to buy radioactive beauty cream?'" "'Is cocaine really the best remedy for indigestion?!'" "People sure were dumb back then."

Back to School '95

Anoraknids - 'I'd say it's a breathable gortex type material...' 'Or perhaps a double seamed retro look kagool?'

"He's really awfully attractive, for twenty-eight."

'Remind me again, are we hopeless old has-beens or fashionable retro?'

'We need a new TV, Dad — it's stupid watching 'Reading Rainbow' in black and white.'

Cave couple watching a cave painting TV while in bed.

...and we guarantee the passage of time for the life of the watch!

"The board wants me to retire. They offered me a golden parachute pants deal."

High Platform Diving

"Where do you see yourself in five years time?"

'I think your overdoing the pineapple juicing!'

"If I were you, I'd put a new hairstyle way way down your list of New Year's Resolutions."

'It's hard to believe we met in a fitness club.'

Man in tiny roming boat offers to rescue a lady in a huge dress

"You may hear a few wise cracks."

"That's pork - the meat of the pig. It makes an excellent substitute for tofu."

"You'd tell me if I was genetically modified?"

'Everything's fine. Your dad just bought one of these 'How-to-talk-to-teenagers' videos...'

'That's an ancestor of mine with her cool aerobics machine that also churned butter!'