Retro Diet Explorer T-Shirts

"You're absolutely right! Now wasn't the ideal time to inform me you've gone vegan."

'What's with the overnight bag, Orville?'

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Tourist

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Nutritional Supplements.

"He's teaching me map skills, such as how to fold it."

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

Odd Spas

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

"Cardiac day patients?"

"Hey guys, I'm thinking about going vegetarian."

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

"Milton finally found a doctor he can trust - one who still believes in the healing power of money."

"We've gone glutton-free."

'It's time for drastic measures - I'm taking you off food and putting you on chew toys.'

I find that I can cut back on calories if I use only one chopstick.

"My doctor suggested I get less fat in my diet."

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "What'll it mean if Trump ends up winning?" "Excellent question. It reminds me of questions very few people asked 90 years ago when Mussolini came to power in Italy." "Other questions that went unasked back then: 'Is sucking down smoke all day long bad for me?' 'Is it a bad idea to buy radioactive beauty cream?'" "'Is cocaine really the best remedy for indigestion?!'" "People sure were dumb back then."

It was time to start the lockdown diet.

"You know what they say: if you can remember the Sixties then talk about them endlessly on BBC Four documentaries."

'He's saying 'Enough bananas - I'm also a carnivore'.'

'I know why Max has suddenly turned vegetarian: His new girlfriend is a Fruit-Bat...'

'It's not our wine list. It's a list of gastroenterologists.'

Fast food trap.

'It's okay - they're VITAMIN-ENRICHED chocolates!'

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

"I know... everybody just assumes I'm a vegetarian."

Bar None