Retraining Pillows

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Overjumpers

"Any questions?"

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Trust me, there's nobody to rescue that way...'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

"Shake! Good Dog."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Hanging off every word...

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'